


trojans

by aiichirorin



Category: Free!, Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Pacific Rim AU, and warnings for mental breakdown/ mental illness/ etc etc, gou and seijuurou are like the. leaders and the coolest, haru is non-binary probs agender, righT so disclaimer that theres a rly ugly makoharu break-up at the start, the ghost drift will come into it later a Lot, their base is a mess ppl keep dying gdi, warnings for like violence and injuries, will probably be smut later but im cringing at the thought of it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-31
Updated: 2015-02-02
Packaged: 2018-03-09 21:01:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3264278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aiichirorin/pseuds/aiichirorin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Makoto could feel him then, he could feel Haru's mind, crowding the edges of his consciousness.  They were a cold presence, he first noticed, but definitely alive, albeit subtly; minute shifts between emotions, the ebb and flow of a person thinking rationally.   A wave of curiosity lapped at Makoto's thoughts.<br/>“It's just me” Haru said over the intercom, their voice familiar and soothing.<br/>“What do I feel like?” Makoto asked, shuddering as Haru's mind pressed closer, the outer reaches now bleeding into Makoto's thoughts.<br/>“Home” Haru stated simply, and with that, they bridged the gap.</p><p>[THIS FIC IS BEING EDITED AND REWORKED]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. finding questions in answers

**Author's Note:**

> goD okay this is the first fic ive actually ever posted online for free! so.... forgive me if everyone is out of character or the plot is weird or whatever.  
> the title is from the song Trojans by Atlas Genius, because the song reminds me of drifting and closeness and things like that, also the Ghost Drift?? which there will be more of as the plot progresses  
> i got all the pacific rim stuff off of the wiki and ive only seen the film once forgive my technical inaccuracies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> goD okay this is the first fic ive actually ever posted online for free! so.... forgive me if everyone is out of character or the plot is weird or whatever.  
> the title is from the song Trojans by Atlas Genius, because the song reminds me of drifting and closeness and things like that, also the Ghost Drift?? which there will be more of as the plot progresses  
> i got all the pacific rim stuff off of the wiki and ive only seen the film once forgive my technical inaccuracies
> 
> also the title is from the song walking disasters by the wombats which doesnt have much significance i just thought the lyric was relevant

“Haru-chan! Today's the day!” Nagisa slammed his tray down, jumping to kneel on his chair and leaning into Haru's personal space.

“Ahh Nagisa-kun, leave him be, it's early in the morning” Rei chastised him, sitting across the table and smiling apologetically at Haru, “besides, even you were nervous before our first drift, so you should know better than to bother them”.

“I'm not nervous” Haru glanced quickly from their food to Rei, the nervous movement a contrast to the unsettling calm they radiated.

“Haru, there's nothing wrong with being a little worried” Makoto, his face two shades paler than usual, took the seat opposite Haru, “although I'm sure we'll be fine”.

Haru turned to face him, pressing their lips into a line, _I don't understand why you're worked up over this_ , Makoto wrinkled his nose, _it's going to feel weird_ , Haru raised their eyebrows, eyes widening in exaggerated disbelief, _like this isn't weird enough already_. Makoto let out a frustrated whine and finally tore his gaze away from Haru and down to his breakfast, hunching over the table with a deep sigh.

“Wow” Nagisa exclaimed, letting out a long, low whistle, earning himself a flick to the arm from Rei, “once you can Ghost Drift, you'll be basically one person”.

“Yes, your mental aptitude is evident from your already impressive non-verbal communication” Rei nodded to himself, scanning an open textbook that he pulled from God-knows-where.

“Do you have to study right now, it's boring” Nagisa reached to shut the textbook, but Rei beat him to it, batting his hand away without looking up from the page.

“I'm trying-” he threw Nagisa a disdainful look, “to work out why our drift went wrong yesterday”, Nagisa huffed childishly, “or, more specifically, why you threw me out of the Drift”.

Nagisa leant back in his chair, face scrunched up in a rare display of discomfort. He breathed out heavily through his nose, closing his eyes for a brief second.

“I was scared” he whispered, “I was scared that you would see too much, that you would break the Drift and request a transfer and leave me, b- because, you're a genius, and I'm just waiting for you to say- to say-” he pulled himself up to his full height, adjusted imaginary glasses on his nose and announced in a deep voice, “to pilot with such a low-scoring individual would, inevitably, be an inefficient use of my hundreds of hours of study”.

“N-Nagisa, is that really what you think?” Rei asked quietly, his book closed and pushed to one side.

Nagisa didn't respond, just picked up his fork and began to dig the prongs into the edge of the damp wooden table.

“My test scores are so bad Rei-chan, they're the second worst in our whole class, only better than Ai-chan” Nagisa talked into the table, “and Ai-chan's only bad because of what happened with- with Scarlet Tide” he stands his fork upright, a crack running along the surface, “I'm going to the Kwoon Room to practice before class starts”.

He stood up, still avoiding the pitying stares levelled at him, and tipped the contents of his tray into a nearby bin.

“Good luck today, Mako-chan, Haru-chan, you'll be great” he smiled weakly, studying his muddy boots with interest. Rei opened his mouth to speak, but Nagisa beat him to it.

“Don't follow me” he snapped, turning on his heel and sprinting from the mess hall, tripping on the edge of the door frame and steadying himself with outstretched arms.

“Follow him” Haru stated, not pausing in eating his breakfast. Rei looked between Makoto and Haru, mouth opening and closing, eyes beginning to fill with tears.

“Go” Makoto rested a hand on his shoulder, and Rei nodded purposefully, wiping his eyes vigorously with a scratchy serviette. He stood with his tray and made to walk away, but turned back to the table at the last second.

“Be careful in the Drift” he warned sternly, holding their gazes in turn to ensure they understood him.

“We will” Haru answered for them, seeing Makoto's face become a few shades paler.

Rei left, carefully stepping over the door frame before breaking into a run, calling Nagisa's name.

 _We should go now, it's almost time_ , Haru tilted their head towards the door minutely, and Makoto nodded in response. Haru took both their trays and tipped the leftovers in the bin, meeting Makoto in the doorway, not pausing as they moved past him, trusting him to fall into step behind them.

As soon as they rounded the corner, out of sight of the mess hall, Makoto gripped the bottom of Haru's jacket, neither of their strides faltering.

It was a long walk to the test Drift centre, on the other side of the sprawling complex, one building away from the Shatterdome itself, so close you could hear the hubbub of shouting, clanking metal, sometimes even the whir and hum of the Jaeger's themselves.

Haru was unconcerned about their first drift test with Makoto. They didn't need to hide anything from each other, had no secrets or shames, no dark corners that Makoto hadn't already bore witness to. Their memories, well, sharing a past with Makoto in the Drift wouldn't feel to odd, they imagined, seeing as they had shared the creation of most of their memories, friends since early childhood.

They reached the test centre in record time, Haru's pace increasing with every second, agitated to Drift at long last, to finally feel what everyone had been describing, to feel the grounding presence of his best friend at even closer quarters.

“Hi! You must be Nanase and Tachibana, I'm Amakato Miho, the Chief Drift Technician of Tokyo base, and I'll be monitoring your test Drift today” she spoke slowly and enunciated each word, pausing several times to smooth the collar of her shirt.

“Chief Technician?” Makoto asked, panic rising in his chest. He tugged Haru's shirt, still gripped between his fingers, _why is the Chief Technician doing this? What have we done? Haru!_

“Both of you score exceptionally high on the simulator, and your aptitude in the Kwoon Room shows a bond I am excited to see in the Drift”, she pursed her lips and closed here eyes, “As the great William Shakespeare once said, _'we know what we are, but know not what we may be!_ ”.

“Uh- th-thanks” Makoto stuttered. Haru looked away and over her shoulder, spotting one of the transparent test Conn-Pods whirring to life, blue lights flickering on one-by-one.

“Let's get going” Amakata led them to the centre pod of five, now fully lit-up, emitting a soft glow, “this is your Conn-Pod for the morning”, she pointed at the two bulky suits hung on the back wall of the small glass room, “those are your drive suits, we don't have enough staff to help you into them right now, so just put them on like wetsuits. I'll be up in the control room”, she gestured to a long window on the mezzanine level, a bank of screens facing away from the room, “Good luck”. She smiled warmly, waving them goodbye and leaving them alone.

Makoto let go of Haru's jacket and took down the left drive suit, pulling his shirt over his head and wiggling out of his trousers. Haru was frozen to the spot, staring at the breast plate of their suit, the initials 'RM' etched into it. Images of waves pouring over the sea defences, trees slamming into houses, houses slamming into mountains, flashed through their mind, but they quickly shook them away, stripping out of their clothes and manoeuvring into the suit- it was a little loose.

“Okay, step up to the platforms, and put the helmets on” Amakata's voice crackled through the overhead speakers, making Makoto jump, a hand held over his erratic heart.

“It's okay” Haru stepped onto the right-hand platform, reaching to touch Makoto's hand as he gingerly stepped onto the left platform.

They reached for their helmets simultaneously, taking a deep breath before wedging their heads inside the metal chambers. The intercom crackled to life in their ears, and Haru could hear Makoto's laboured breathing.

“Makoto” they spoke gently but firmly, drawing his attention back to the task at hand.

“Sorry Haru” he apologised, a knee-jerk reaction, letting out a huff that was a poor attempt to laugh off his nervousness.

“Engaging Drift, have fun out there kids!” Amakata's voice echoed in their ears, before suddenly the strange sensation of being dunked in tepid water flooded their minds.

Makoto could feel him then, he could feel Haru's mind, crowding the edges of his conciousness. They were a cold presence, he first noticed, but definitely alive, albeit subtly, minute shifts between emotions, the ebb and flow of a person thinking rationally. A wave of curiosity lapped at Makoto's thoughts.

“It's just me” Haru said over the intercom, their voice familiar and soothing.

“What do I feel like?” Makoto asked, shuddering as Haru's mind pressed closer, the outer reaches now bleeding into Makoto's thoughts.

“Home” Haru stated simply, and with that, they bridged the gap.

He was sinking, Makoto realised too late, he was totally submerged in Haru's mind, feelings and memories holding him down, pinning him under the surface of reality. He scrabbled to hold onto a memory, fixing onto a sun-bleached image of Rei and Nagisa on the roof in High School, arguing over the nutritional content of Nagisa's lunch. The image slipped away, and he was tumbling, his own thoughts dragged into the current of Haru's life. Something caught his attention, and he latched on again, gulping air as he surfaced inside an intensely real version of Haru's childhood bedroom. Makoto, feeling Haru's swelling love and affection, looked down at his 18 year old self, sleeping soundly, bed sheets tangled around his waist, hair ruffled, lips pink and swollen. The memory was yanked away from him, and he broke the surface of Haru's mind, breathing heavily in their shared headspace.

 _Makoto, Makoto are you okay?_ Haru asked urgently, pushing concern and regret across the blank space, _I'm sorry I had to pull you out, you kept chasing, you can't do that._

Makoto couldn't form words to push across to him, but Haru echoed understanding- they could feel his confusion, nausea, an urge to break down and cry. Haru lost their shaky grip, their minds collided, like a stormy sea smashing against a cliff, and Makoto was lost.

He knew, he knew it was only Haru, his Haru, their shared past, shared lives, that he was feeling, but the scenes jumping in and out of his mind were too vivid, too bright, and the sensation of Haru falling through his mind was like having pins inserted under skin.

Suddenly, Haru regained some control, directing him to certain memories; Makoto in the stands of the 2016 Olympics, steam clouding his grandmother as she cooked, the scent of mackerel drifting through heavy summer air next to their High School swimming pool. Makoto ripped control from Haru, latching onto the memory and chasing the sensations, Haru's hands on his neck, his neck warm under Haru's hands, leaning to meet him as he stood on tiptoes, Nagisa whooping in the distance, closed eyes, hot breath, an insistent kiss, _I'm going to fall out of the drift_ , fingers pressed to his throat, _we can't do this Makoto_ , his pulse, Haru's pulse, the pulse of machine, the hum of engines, glare of lights, cool metal against his cheek, an alarm blaring, voices, voices, voices- the world fading to black.

 


	2. of all the gin joints

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a bokken is a practice sword for martial arts, used for running exercises, called kata, not for sparring/fighting, and theyre wooden, if you need detailed imagery lmao 
> 
> uh the title is from that fall out boy song bc i was like 'gdi haru of all the gin joints in the world you gotta walk in to this jaeger base and fuck with my elusive bad boy fallen from grace vibe' anyway ill stop talking uhh please leave comments!! or questions.... or just, gay things

Haru stands in the centre of the mat in the Kwoon room, their bokken resting against the floor, warm handle pressing against their tightly closed fist. Last night comes back in snatches, the full replay not available yet due to severe heartbreak.

“ _Haru I – I don't think we can go on like this, I mean, I thought it would be okay to just- to just follow you but -”_

They dropped to the floor, releasing their bokken and letting it land with a dull thud. They pulled their knees into their chest, wrapping their arms around themselves, as if it would stop them from feeling like their body was dissipating into the stuffy night air.

“ _I kept going because you wanted to, because you were so defiant, despite Rin, despite your family, despite me holding you back, you wanted it. So I wanted it...”_

They pushed their forehead against their knees, feeling the ridges of fabric dig into their skin, tightening their hold on their ankles, gripping so as to bruise.

“ _But what you said in the Drift yesterday, how easily you pushed me around, I don't- I don't feel safe with you”_

A sob escaped Haru's throat, and they jolted upright, pressing their fist against closed mouth, teeth pushing against the inside of their lips, threatening to draw blood. Another sob, and they folded both hands over their mouth, afraid of the unsanctioned reaction.

“ _If it's not me you're meant to pilot with, if you're truly meant for somebody else, I don't want to take that away from you”_

They began to cry then, hot tears running down their face, soaking into their sleeves, their trousers, splashing onto the training mat. Haru sat still, struggling internally to keep their emotions in check, their body betraying the gale force wind ripping out the roots of everything they knew to be true.

“ _We can try again” Haru begged, “we can test Drift until it works, we can – we” Makoto gripped their wrist, leaning from his hospital bed, “I can't just drift with anyone, I have to- it has to be you” Haru felt dirty, “I love you, I- I'm fine with the way things are, please”_

They were ashamed now, once the desperation subsided, embarrassed and humiliated, to act like that, in front of Makoto of all people.  Haru wiped at their eyes, but each time more tears fell, each time they lost more of the piteous self-control they had left.

“ _No! You're lying, Haru, you're lying to me, to Rei, Nagisa, to yourself! We have to- I have to stop this, I have to let you Drift with others. It's for, it's for your own good, I- I want you to be happy, and I'm too scared, I'm holding you back”_

The door slid open and Haru glanced up, unable to make out the person's face with artificial light from the hallways casting them into shadow. They made to get up, pushing onto one knee and reaching for their bokken.

“I'm going” they murmured, voice barely audible.

“You don't have to” the stranger moved into the room, shutting the door behind them. Haru looked across from where they were putting their bokken back in its bracket on the wall. They narrowed their eyes; they recognized this person, and not in the way one wants to be recognized.

“So you know who I am” the, as Haru now knew, former pilot, tucked his hands into his jacket pockets, “I can practice with you if you need a partner” he made no effort to smile, a brusqueness Haru anticipated. 

“Yamazaki Sousuke” Haru stated, lifting their bokken back off the wall, “the Jaeger's don't like you”, they measured his expression, settling from surprise to a weak smirk in a brief second, “we don't need people like you” they finished, turning to walk back to their place in the center of the mat.

Sousuke regarded them as he kicked off his shoes and picked out the matching bokken to Haru's. He hadn't seen this Cadet around the base, but they looked fast, and Sousuke was painfully short on practice partners- almost writing off a Jaeger did that to you.

“Let's go” Sousuke stood opposite Haru, weight settling evenly across his bare feet.

Haru led, lifting their bokken to chest height, a brief flick of the wrist indicating which set of exercises they were to run through. Sousuke nodded, moving to mirror Haru's position.

They gave no warning, but their partner wasn't left behind, well-honed reactions meetings Haru with perfect timing, the smack of their bokken echoing in the small room. Haru left no time to pause, immediately reversing their direction and dipping their bokken low to the ground, trying to catch Sousuke unaware, despite kata not being a competition. Sousuke let out a low chuckle, catching on to Haru's game and pushing himself faster.

They continued for however long, neither could tell, but by the time they were running purely on instinct, both were disconnected from their movements, minds somewhere else entirely, or, in quite similar places.  The dinner bell sounded in the corridor, but Haru didn't pause, intent on keeping up with their new partner's difficult pace. 

“Stop” Sousuke let his bokken fall immediately after, only slightly out of breath.

“Why?” Haru asked, their bokken still raised as if to continue.

“Because I want to spar” Sousuke replied, a grin tugging at the edge of his mouth.

“No” Haru turned away and set their bokken in its bracket, “I want to know why he fell out of the Drift” they felt rather than heard Sousuke move next to them.

“I pushed him out” he answered after a beat, placing his bokken next to Haru's.

“No, you didn't” Haru faced him, embarrassed that they had to look up to keep eye contact.

“He couldn't handle it, I had to” Sousuke huffed, “I wasn't as reckless as you though”.

“I'm not reckless” Haru tried to assert themselves, failing miserably as Sousuke merely tutted and made to walk away, “I would never do that to Makoto” their voice betrayed them, stumbling over Makoto's name.

"How long do you think he'll put up with you?" Haru strode back to the mat, and Sousuke watched them school their expression into a semblance of composure with mild amusement. 

"Always" Haru replied, a fraction too quickly, "he'll always care".

"I would never have made him do it in the first place" Sousuke clutched the dog tag at his neck, locking onto Haru and striding towards them.

"What do you mean?" Haru asked, stepping back in time with Sousuke's steps toward them.

Haru hit the wall of the Kwoon Room, cold metal shocking them back to reality.  It was late into the night, they noted, and they were arguing with Yamazaki of all people; former pilot, notorious for practically scrapping Sapphire Tide, and his partner, Rin Matsuoka.  Yesterday, they were excited to Drift with Makoto, today, he was gone, and they were left with this. 

"Don't ever underestimate what the Drift can do to people" Sousuke whispered, face so close Haru had no choice but to stare him down.

The moment dragged on, Haru searching Sousuke's eyes for anything that wasn't tinged with shame, regret, hatred. Their search came up empty, and they turned away, prompting Sousuke to step back. Haru released a breath they didn't know they had been holding, glancing at Sousuke to see if he had noticed- judging by his smirk, Haru assessed that he had.

"Never and always" Sousuke mused out loud, kneeling to put his shoes on, "those are strong words", and with that he left, leaving Haru alone.

They slid to the floor, head hanging between their knees, Makoto's final words playing on a loop in their mind.

 

_"I won't Drift with you again. I can, but I won't"_


End file.
